I'm Back... and Just In Time

Hi all, I'm back from a hiatus. This has been a challenging month, one in which blogging the randomness of my mind just wasn't going to happen. Basically, I've been preoccupied with my friend's family crisis. I didn't want to blog about it, but I will a bit today.

My best friend, T, had a family emergency in October. Her husband had a stroke caused by a large brain tumor. He has brain cancer at 43. The surgeons didn't expect him to survive the surgery, but he did. His prognosis for the cancer, however, is uncertain. And the stroke itself caused significant damage. He's lost all mobility on his right side. He's been in the hospital since the stroke, though he could be released any day now. He's currently undergoing chemotherapy and radiation for the cancer. They have two children, 6 and 3.

I can't believe T has to go through this. My heart is breaking for her. I can't imagine what it is to have life change so drastically and so permanently in a moment's time. She's trying to make sure her husband gets the best treatment while also keeping life as stable and normal as possible for their children. A 6-year old and 3-year old can't be expected to understand what's happening to their father. For them, it must be the worst feeling in the world to see him in the hospital, head shaved and unable to talk.

Caroline and I went to see her the week of Thanksgiving. T lives in California and I'm here in Baltimore. I feel so helpless being so far from her and the kids. My brief visit wasn't all that helpful. What can I do in a few days to help with a lifetime of changes? I struggled with my need to be helpful and T's need to be independent, strong, and normal. She deals with this day in and day out. She knows she has to find time to go to the grocery store, do the laundry, play with the kids. She can't rely on me who's only there a few days. It was hard.

I love them all so much. But really, what could anyone do? One of the worst things that could happen has happened, not to me but to her. I will be here however she needs me and I hope that brings her a little bit of comfort.

So as I bring myself back to my here and now, this situation makes me think about universal healthcare. It's what the Democrats want to bring to the table if they are elected president. Most of the major candidates have a universal healthcare proposal. Paul Krugman has recently criticized Barack Obama's plan (read this column and this one). The basic flaw in Obama's plan is the lack of a mandate stating everyone must buy into the plan. He's throwing out some Republican garbage about not having mandates, but the effect is to weaken the plan. He says you don't have to buy into the plan if you don't want to but the plan will be there when you need it. So many folks won't buy the insurance until they need it shifting the cost of the plan onto those who buy it now.

This has given me some pause with Barack. A few months ago he was saying all the right things about gay marriage. I was almost ready to settle on him as my candidate. But then he invited this anti-gay minister to speak at one of his rallies and now there's this misguided anti-mandate in his "universal" healthcare proposal. He's heading down the same path Howard Dean did for me four years ago. I was a Deaniac. I liked him a lot. But then Howie stuck his foot in his mouth over and over again on some foreign policy issues (long before the infamous Iowa screaming) and I became disappointed in him. I didn't care for Kerry or Edwards and so I was left without a candidate.

The same is going to happen this time around. I'm not thrilled about Hillary. Not at all. She certainly won't advance the gay agenda very far, if at all, and that's important to me as I bring a child into the world with my partner. It doesn't really matter what I think though. The nomination will be wrapped up before Maryland has its say.

However, if you want some help picking your candidate, the Washington Post has crafted this handy Candidate Quiz. It takes a little time to work all the way through it, but it's comprehensive. It's based on candidate answers to a bunch of questions. I quit a little over half way through since it seemed like there was one candidate that was standing out above the rest. Turned out to be John Edwards. Thing is, I don't really believe Edwards is genuine. I think he's just saying what he's saying to win the nomination. His "son of the working class" theme just hits me the wrong way. That's the flaw in the quiz. You have to take all the answers at face value. By the way, there's a quiz for the Republicans too. I'm thinking about trying it to see who the least detestable candidate is.