Wednesday, May 7, 2008

Smiles and Giggles

Requests for videos haven't gone unnoticed. It does require some time with technology and time with 2 hands is rare. However, today we captured a moment with Jacob in the papasan, enjoying a few smiles. I think he sees himself in the mirror and has a little smiling game.



In this video, I sound a little silly trying to get smiles from Jacob, but he's still a cutie.

Life at home with Jacob is awesome! He's growing so quickly. His arms and legs are getting nice and plump. He makes all kinds of new noises everyday. He loves his noise-making stuffed animals and rattles. He's full of grins and sweetness.

There isn't much time that Jacob spends out of my arms. He sleeps in my arms or on my chest most of the day. When he's awake we play games with his rattles and smile at each other.

He's started drooling which is a precursor to teething. It's cute for now.

I'm acutely aware that this time with him is short and I intend to enjoy every moment.

The weather is beautiful. Time to go for walks and drink iced lattes. Enjoy.

Thursday, April 24, 2008

LIfe at Home

Life at home has been great! I love motherhood. The first few weeks were really hard for me. Luckily, Caroline took time off from work while I recuperated from surgery. The first two weeks were particularly grueling. As some of you may know, newborns eat frequently. Every two hours we had to feed Jacob. And that time is measured from start to start so there wasn't much time to rest in between. Luckily, he slept most of the time so he wasn't very demanding.

Jacob has grown so much. He's almost 11 pounds now. He no longer sleeps most of the time, which is so fun. He doesn't play much, but it is so great just to spend time with him while he's awake. He smiles and coos and wiggles around. It's just so amazing to watch him change and grow. With his new wakefulness, I have less time to do stuff, so I'll just have to leave you with a picture.


Sunday, March 30, 2008

Here He Is! Part II

The Hospital Stay, Continued

Since we had no idea when the baby would have to be delivered, Caroline stayed in the hospital with me every day. The baby was breech, so we knew there was a strong possibility he would be delivered by C-section.

After a week in the hospital, we had one false alarm. One of the many medical staff attending me freaked out about the swelling of my legs (which was pretty severe actually) and determined I might be getting worse. I was rushed back into Labor & Delivery. Everyone was saying this might be the day my baby is born. I was pretty freaked out. I wasn't mentally ready. I was still hoping we could cook him a bit longer. I was only 36 weeks and a couple of days. He was small already, so I wanted to grow him as much as possible. Eventually, the OB decided not to deliver and I was sent back to my room.

That false alarm told me I needed to get ready for my baby. He was definitely coming sooner than later. Good thing I decided to get real about it because sooner became the next day. There was a dip in my platelet count and finally the OB said she couldn't see a reason to wait any longer. The C-section was scheduled for that evening.

I was pretty nervous about the surgery. I was planning to deliver vaginally. I never thought about a C-section and what would be involved. I was nervous about the spinal. I don't know about you, but the thought of someone putting a large needle in my spine is pretty nerve wracking. I was scared of being one of the few who become paralyzed by accident. But mostly I was worried that I wouldn't have the emotional attachment to my baby the way I imagined I would after going through labor.

I needn't worry, though. It all went smoothly. Actually, Caroline and I watched the surgery with the help of a mirror. It was incredibly freaky seeing my body manipulated like that. But the most amazing moment happened when the OB pulled Jacob out of me. I can barely describe the amazement and joy I felt seeing him for the first time. I cried. The love was there instantly.

Because he was a preemie, the neonatal unit had to check him out right away to make sure all his parts were working. Caroline watched as they cleaned him, weighed him and did all the other stuff. Then Jacob was brought over to me as the OB was putting me back together. It was wonderful. His eyes were open and he was the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen. Then he was whisked off to the nursery for a thorough exam.

I was brought to recovery and placed on a magnesium sulfate drip for 24 hours. That stuff is used to prevent any of the preeclamsia symptoms from getting worse after delivery. They also gave me an IV pain killer. Little did I know how much pain I'd be in. The spinal started wearing off right away and I began to feel the incision. Thank goodness for pain medication. I had to stay in the Labor and Delivery unit until the magnesium was stopped. Another uncomfortable bed.

Caroline's sister, Katherine, flew in from San Diego that night. She planned to help Caroline get the house ready for the baby. But since I had the C-section, Caroline had to stay at the hospital with me around the clock. There isn't much one can do after their abdomen has been cut in half. So Katherine readied the house by herself. She ran around buying all kinds of things we would need that we hadn't yet bought ourselves. She cleaned, bought groceries, cleaned the litter boxes, took care of the cats, bought clothes for the baby, and on and on and on. I can't even list everything she did because I was pretty out of it most of the weekend.

Having a newborn and major surgery at the same time is a bit overwhelming. There isn't much sleep to be had when you have a newborn. You have to nurse him every 3 hours, start to start. And the first night was just so overwhelming, I forgot to sleep. Caroline was equally exhausted because I couldn't get out of bed. She was changing every diaper, taking calls, helping me with everything. She forgot to sleep the first night too. By the time 24 hours had passed, I was so tired I started to feel like I was going to black out.

And then the real pain began. After coming off the magnesium (which, by the way, every single nurse told me was a "nasty" drug), I was brought to the post-partum unit. I hadn't moved a muscle since before the surgery and now the nurse wanted me to get out of my bed and into the wheelchair so I could be moved. The first time I tried moving, I thought I would die. Now let me say, if you're ever going to have a baby, avoid the C-section at all costs. Really, take my word for it.

The next 96 hours I spent in the hospital was basically consumed by trying to breastfeed and waiting to fart. Really. I couldn't have solid foods until I farted. You'd be surprised how hard it is to fart after a surgery like that.

More difficult was the breastfeeding. Since Jacob was a preemie, there were all sorts of issues with his learning to suck. I won't get into it now, but let me tell you that Jacob was a champ. We got him on the breast and he amazed everyone in the nursery and the lactation station with how well he was learning. It was very challenging for me, but I was determined to give him breast milk no matter what I had to do.


Four days later, I went home. Here is one of the first photos of our son. He was 4 lbs and 8 oz when he was born.


Here he is!

Jacob Irving was born on February 21, 2008. It's been quite a rollercoster, but Caroline and I are feeling elated and loving life with our new son. Here's the how it all happened.

The Disappointing Ultrasound

On February 11, we had the 3rd trimester ultrasound. We were looking forward to seeing how big Jacob had grown and getting a more specific due date. What we learned was that Jacob was growing a bit too slow for my OB's taste. She put me on bed rest in the hopes that it would help Jacob get the much needed nutrients to grow. She also ordered twice-weekly nonstress tests for the baby.

High Blood Pressure and Spilling Protein, aka Preeclampsia

The following Thursday (February 14), we went to the hospital for a nonstress test. This is a test to show that the baby is moving around normally and his heart rate is strong while in the womb. While I was there, the technicians took my blood pressure and a urine sample. My blood pressure was pretty high and they found protein in my urine which isn't a good thing. Right away, I was sent to Labor & Delivery for monitoring. My OB said I had Preeclampsia. She ordered a 24-hour observation that involved constant blood pressure monitoring and a collection of my urine. Nice way to spend Valentine's Day. I was stuck in an uncomfortable birthing bed and poor Caroline was sleeping on a chair.

I had hoped to be going home from the hospital the next day. I felt fine and I wanted to complete my bed rest at home in a nice comfy bed. My OB had other ideas. Even though she ordered the 24-hour observation, she basically determined I had preeclamsia and I was going to be at the hospital until Jacob was born. He wasn't due for another 5 weeks.

The Hospital Stay

I was moved to the high risk pregnancy area and told to settle in. I was on bed rest with bathroom "privileges," meaning I was allowed to walk myself to the bathroom to pee. Apparently, I was lucky because there are lots of women who are put on bed rest without such privileges.

Let me say first that the staff at the hospital were mostly very nice and compassionate with both myself and Caroline. The high risk unit gets lots of long-term visitors. My days consisted of laying, getting my blood pressure taken every 4 hours, getting my sugar tested twice a day, getting blood taken daily and having my pee collected and tested for urine. The only treatment for preeclamsia is delivery of the baby. I wasn't full-term yet, so we were trying to avoid this. Therefore, my symptoms had to be monitored to make sure my health wasn't in danger. The 3 major symptoms being watched were my blood pressure, the amount of protein in my urine, and my platelet count. Don't ask me what the platelets have to do with anything.

Every day could be the day my son would be delivered.

Time to Nurse

I have to nurse my son now, so stay tuned to part two of the adventure...

Friday, February 8, 2008

On a More Personal Note

I've been getting bogged down in politics. It's hard to avoid because I love it, but I don't want it to become all consuming. For those who love my political banter, don't worry. I can't resist being an armchair pundit.


However, today I'd like to just catch up on my personal life for those of you folks who actually read this. The countdown to delivery is getting dramatically smaller and smaller. I used to count this in months. Now it's weeks. Five weeks to be exact. It's fair to say I'm freaking out a bit.

It's a whirlwind of emotions really. I'm so excited to meet my son and be able to hold him in my arms and look into his eyes. I can't wait to see him in Caroline's arms. Our love grows more and more everyday and he's not even here yet!

I visit the message boards on Babycenter.com. There's actually a bunch of message boards for GLBT parents. My signature has a little tickler. It looks something like this:






Isn't it cute? I like to post on the boards just so I can see how the numbers change from day to day. Less than 40 days to go! I can't believe it.

The other part of the whirlwind is fear. I'm so scared something will go wrong like I won't be able to get him out or something like that. I know that's a little silly. I mean, women give birth everyday. It's a job that doesn't require any prior experience. My body will take over. I just have to learn to let that happen and trust that nature knows what it's doing. It's kind of funny that I just think too much. This is just one of those times where IQ plays no part.


So that's where we are today. Baby is weeks away from arrival. Caroline worked on the nursery this past weekend. She dismantled the guest room and put the crib together. Lined up all the Pooh animals. Hung the curtains.


I feel like a house. I'm so huge I can't even remember what it was like when I could bend down and reach my feet. My body doesn't resemble anything I once knew. It's comical at times.


To top it off, I got all my hair cut off. I've been growing my hair to donate to Locks of Love. It's a great organization that helps disadvantaged children suffering from medical hair loss (often due to cancer or some other condition). They make wigs from donated hair. I was moved to contribute my hair after participating in the Race for a Cure in 2006. I wanted to do something more personal in the fight against cancer. And those who know me, know that I'm vain about only one or two things, my hair being number 1. So I thought it would be really significant to grow it out to give to someone else. And now my hair is insanely short! Here's the end result:




The donated hair is actually 11 or 12 inches long, but my hair is a bit curly, so it's hard to tell. I'm sending that pony tail off to Locks of Love today.



Finally, I'll leave you with my most recent belly shot. This is me at 34 weeks pregnant (8.5 months):
What did I tell you? A house.

Thursday, February 7, 2008

This Way or That???

I know I'm confusing things with this post, but I have to share this Paul Krugman editorial from Monday. It's nothing new, per se, but it again revists the difference in Hillary Clinton's and Barack Obama's "universal" healthcare proposals.

This is the biggest policy issue I have with Obama. He has demonized mandates which are just plain necessary if our true goal is universal healthcare.

You might be saying, Hey, make up your mind already! I have. Like I said before, I'm voting for Obama. Again, it's about who will win the general election and I think his chances are better. But we have to stay informed on this issue because when it comes before congress, we, you and I, have to act.

Also, Obama's position on GLBT rights is SO much better than Hillary's. I've talked about that before too.

Just a note, check out the links over to the right. I've added a new one called Maryland Politics Watch. I thought this was interesting, but warning, it's PG and Montgomery County focused as far as I can see. The title of the blog is misleading and all the contributors live in the DC suburbs.

Friday, February 1, 2008

Now What? Or Who?

I've been saying for weeks that my vote won't count when the Maryland primary rolls around. Guess I was wrong. But what I'm not wrong about is the threat that is John McCain. And this is what my vote will be about on February 12.

For months I anticipated that Giuliani or Romney was going to be the Republican nominee. In either scenario, the general election was going to be a breeze, enjoyable even. Now, Giuliani is done and after Tuesday, I expect Romney will be too. A general election against McCain will be tough and hardly enjoyable.

Here's the situation. McCain is on his way to winning the nomination. During the Republican debate in California the other night, Romney was constantly on the defensive. It appeared really easy for McCain to be the reasonable truthful one while Romney spent all his air time on rebuttal after rebuttal. Given that the Republican field never had a "favorite," it won't be that difficult for McCain to keep the tide flowing his way.

Even though the Democrats have narrowed their field to two, the outcome is not as certain. It's anyone's guess who's going to take this contest. That's why the ambitious John Edwards isn't picking sides. He's hedging his bets and hoping he'll find a place in one of their administrations.

It's been a rare occasion for us Marylanders to have any say in Democratic nominee. I thought the contest would be decided by now, so I was ready to vote for one of my lefty favorites. Now I have to take this vote seriously (not that voting isn't serious, but you know what I mean).

So how really should one decide between Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama? This is the question of the day. Either nominee is historic. And despite what people will say about Hillary Clinton, she is not business as usual. A woman in the White House is change. Barack Obama doesn't have a monopoly on representing change. As a matter of fact, despite his race, a man in the White House would be more like business as usual than Hillary Clinton. Will his race really affect his decision-making? I doubt it. The historic nature of having an African American in the White House means that despite the persistant nature of racism, our country is really moving towards healing the racial divide. Barack could really have a huge impact as president on our racial problems.

Hillary has tried to make the contest about young versus experienced. She knows how to get things done. She has the command of the issues that Barack doesn't have because he hasn't been around long enough. He's a great public speaker, very inspirational, but according to Clinton, it ends there and that's not enough for the next president. Obama says he does understand the issues and he's always on the right side of them. He believes we need inspiration and a commitment to heal our country. He's right. And so is she.

Neither will talk about electability, but that's what we need to talk about today. A year ago, the Democrats were on top. They were starting a new term with Dems in control. The tide of the country was change. We were tired of the disaster the Republicans have made of the war and home. A year ago, electability was not one of our problems. Today, with McCain as the nominee, it is the problem.

And the answer is to vote for Barack Obama. This isn't an endorsement or anything. As I have stated before and implied above, either Hillary or Barack would make a good president. But they have to win a general election first. And that's why Barack is who I'm voting for. I can't take another Republican president. It sickens me. We HAVE to win.

Just close your eyes for a minute and clear your head. Then, imagine a picture of McCain versus Clinton. What's your gut telling you? Now, imagine a picture of McCain versus Obama. What's your gut telling you now? If you're paying attention, you know that Hillary doesn't have a chance against McCain. While the Democrats could swallow a McCain win, Republicans will succede from the nation if Hillary wins. As one pundit has said, Hillary has toxic coat-tails.

Barack does inspire and that is what's going to help him win. Hillary inspires, but she inspires the wrong people. She inspires the Republicans to get off their butts and vote against her. As unfair as it is that Hillary has been judged so harshly, it's the reality. I'm not going to roll the dice on this election just because I think Hillary has been held to a higher standard and been set up to fail.

That's the direction this primary season has taken us. The Democrats are going to make history by electing a minority as their nominee. Hopefully, the country will follow suit in November.